In which Layla and Roz revel in hipster coffee, vegetarian food, and fab shows in Melbourne

By Layla

Since I am about to go to Hong Kong without my lovely wife for three whole months, it is obviously essential to fit in a cool holiday first, to distract us from the imminent separation (and three months where I can’t take any holidays at all…). But where to go? With our Tokyo home sweltering in revolting humidity, we sought winter, and flew south. Destination: Australia.

Our home for the first four days of holiday was to be Melbourne, a city of such cool reputation that we’ve been meaning to visit for years. We booked a ridiculously stylish AirBnB apartment in the hipster locale of Fitzroy, and upon rolling off the overnight plane (and showering in the airport), settled down for a delicious breakfast at Addict, one of our most local hipster coffeeshops. And then we explored the area. A little more grungey than we’d hoped, Fitzroy was sprinkled with bars and restaurants and boutiques and bookshops – and slathered with hipster coffeeshops. We popped into the very cool LGBT bookshop Hares & Hyenas, and browsed in another one, as part of our stroll around the neighbourhood (and a dash home to don ALL the clothes we had packed – Melbourne is chilly in August!).

That afternoon we took a bus into the city centre and had lunch in a delightful café in the Victoria State Library, then we took a slightly rainy free walking tour of the city. We learned a little about its origins, peered at Ned Kelly’s jail, wandered the cool graffiti-lined lanes for which Melbourne is known, admired a million cafes and arcades, and then hopped on a tram home to glam up for the night we’d been looking forward to for ages: The Moth! I put my name in the hat to perform in this famed storytelling show but alas I wasn’t picked out. So Roz and I had to content ourselves with enjoying 10 stories in an exceptionally cool Brunswick venue, Howler, with some craft beer and delicious sweet potato falafel. (In fact our main enjoyment in Melbourne has been relishing the thrills of finding a delicious array of vegetarian food everywhere we glance, in stark contrast to the miserable food desert that is Tokyo.) At the end I got to briefly pop onto the stage. Much fun.

We glimpsed a bit of sun the next morning so headed off to explore the Royal Botanical Gardens, which were quite pleasant, and culminated in a fab little terrace café overlooking a pretty lake and offering an array of delicious vegetarian lunch options. My only sorrow was that I ate so much I couldn’t manage the delicious-looking scones on offer… After the gardens we walked across the Yarra River and into town. A brief tea stop, then onwards to an exhibition about women who write video games, and a little play, though the exhibition wasn’t very extensive and soon we were on our way again. But not before visiting yet another hipster coffeeshop. Obviously. When in Melbourne… The highlight of our day was upon us: Holey Moley minigolf. Obviously Roz and I both have a penchant for any minigolf, but Holey Moley was something special. Very hipstery (a Melbourne requirement, apparently), but also cool and arty, and witty and well thought out. We played the full 27 ridiculous and cool themed holes and I won by a single point. Roz was duly bitter, and we headed home to eat pasta and glam up for that evening’s big treat: Jerry Seinfeld!

We’d known he was in Melbourne and had tried to get tickets but the show had been sold out. Then, on Monday night, a few tickets were released and Roz, whose finger is always on the pulse, leapt for them before I could protest at the extravagance. And that was it – we were going to see Jerry! I grew up watching Seinfeld and getting to see the comedian himself was embarrassingly thrilling. We settled in with 5000 lucky audience members and he was funny and silly and charming and interesting and Roz had even bought me a Twirl chocolate bar. What a fantastic night. We tried to go to a bar on the way home but most were closed, so we ended up buying a bottle of local wine and taking it home to enjoy in our uber-stylish flat. What a fun day.

The reportedly best bit of inner city bush in Melbourne was just a mile or so from our flat, so when we woke up and saw the sun shining, we bundled up, acquired an avocado-and-hallumi-sandwich picnic, and headed out to the Yarra Bend Park boathouse to begin a little hike (I spied they sold scones, but I’d just had my breakfast and couldn’t think of a good justification – I started to fear I was cursed to never have scones). The walk was beautiful – along the riverbank, in beautiful trees and grass and prettiness for a few hours, and then, oh joy, we circled back to the boathouse and at last I got my scones. Hooray.

From the park we took the bus to our next port of call: lovely Cinema Nova in the Italian area of town. This is a fantastic arthouse multiplex and before we went to see The Viceroy’s House (about the last months of the UK in India) we went to Readings, named one of the world’s best bookshops, and an adjacent Gelateria, which I’m happy to proclaim served me one of the world’s best gelato… The film was good, the cinema was a charmingly decorated delight, and afterwards we walked home to brush our hair for another quintessential Melbourne experience: dinner in an impossibly hipster restaurant. We chose Transformer, which was all concrete and greenery in an old lighting factory, and served innovative vegetarian cuisine. Fabulous.

Our last full day in Melbourne involved quite a bit of pfaffing, with both me and Roz having to do work things. But we also managed a walk through pretty Fitzroy Gardens and into town for some pottering in the arcades, and the Melbourne International Film Festival, where we saw Newton – a film about the election process in a jungle in India. Clearly an educational India theme to our cinema going this week! Afterwards we went home for pasta and a little more work, before we polished off the evening with wine and cheese at a cute little wine bar called Liberty, just next door to our house.

And then on Friday morning we woke early, packed our bags, and headed to the airport. Our next destination: Uluru, aka Ayers Rock!